What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
