so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
