I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
