My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
