How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
