Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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