omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
