I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
