Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The best revenge is premature balding
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
