Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my shit smells like andre
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Semen is not good for contacts.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
