hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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