im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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