I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
