went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
