i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
