Me. At least after what I've been through.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
