True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
