can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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