Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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