So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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