I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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