what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
