3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the condom got lost in my hair
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
