Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
