I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
