he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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