I want to have your abortion
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
