I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
