I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
