so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
