WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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