the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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