Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
