The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
