She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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