just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
