she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
