Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
