ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
