I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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