and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
