Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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