I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
sex in a hospital.. check
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
