he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
