she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
