Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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