Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
