if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
