I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
