went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
