The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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