Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
