I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
