I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
