too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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